The Many Faces of Fear

Quote of the day: “Vision is not enough, it must be combined with venture. It is not enough to stare up the steps, we must step up the stairs.” —Václav Havel; playwright, essayist

The mortality theme continues to flow into today’s musings. Not necessarily by choice, but through observation.

First off, one of the first things my colleague discusses with me this morning was a story she read in her hometown newspaper about a college basketball player who went up for a rebound, bumped into some guys, fell, and hit his head. Twenty minutes later, at the hospital, he was pronounced dead. Just like that, he died of a head injury from a fall that probably happens every day on the basketball court. Just like that.

Then, I was standing in front of glass doors, looking out at the world. I needed to step away for a moment from the computer screen and connect with the actual day. Anyways, in the distance from our office building lays a cemetery. Another colleague of mine sees me standing at the door, walks up to me, and tells me how every day she sees the same woman, walking the same path, up into the cemetery. We comment on who she could be visiting. I felt sad for her.

In a matter of two hours I was faced with two scenarios regarding death. And after yesterday’s blog entry, I can’t help but to wonder what else am I trying to understand about life from the physical reality of death?

Live each day to the fullest? OK, makes sense. Seize the moment? Alright, I got it. I understand these mantras intellectually and spiritually, but what do they mean in practical, tangible terms?

For me, it means getting together with a friend on Saturday to create a dance to a song that moves my soul from the inside out. This, I have never done before. I don’t have training in choreographing dance pieces. I don’t have moves I can pull out of my dance bag from someone else. All I have is my own groove…and what the heck is that?

I’ve never shared with someone else the creative process of manifesting movement. In fact, I just started to do this with my Self only a few months ago. But, this song, this incredibly soulful song by Alicia Keys, titled “Tell you something” on her “As I Am” album, inspires me to invite this particular friend into the studio with me to create together. I don’t know why. I don’t what we’ll even do, but I know it’s what my body and soul so desperately ache to do. I just love the rift, groove and musical composition of the song. Give a listen: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rOd342yao-M

This is what it means, for me, to seize the moment. It means actually doing what I’m inspired to do. It doesn’t matter if the action of the inspiration is big or small because it’s all relevant. Creating a dance piece with a friend might seem like a low-risk thing to do. It’s not like I’m jumping out of an airplane, or quitting a job without necessarily having another job lined up (hmm), but it’s very scary to me. It makes me feel vulnerable…What if in the studio I’m not inspired to move and I can’t come up with anything? What then? I suck. I got nothing…This is the fear talking.

The fear of failure.

I’ve realized, in this moment, that I am more afraid to fail than I am to die.

Wow. I'll need to chew on that...