Let it Ride

“Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something else is more important than fear.”—James Neil Hollingworth

Friday is always a good day because it signifies the weekend has finally come, but what bothers me about Fridays is that it reminds me of how sad it is to live your life for the weekend. I fall guilty to this thought process all too often. I’m wondering if you live in our society, which is filled to the brim with structured work days, school days, commitments and events, is it possible to live each day with the same joy and excitement we have for the weekend? Or, are we destined to fall into the trap of “wishful weekend thinking” because of the nature of our society?

For me, this is the ultimate challenge of this life experience...To find the illustrious balance of joy and playfulness within each day, spanning from the vocation to the weekend vacation. I often find myself needing the full day on Saturday to recover from whirlwind of the work week. It doesn’t take a genius to realize that something is off here. One school of thought would be to tell myself to “Suck it up! Work is work. It’s not meant to be fun and feel good. That’s why they call it work.” Another school of thought would be to tell myself to “Wake up! This isn’t working. Stop trying to fit a round peg in a square hole. Life isn’t mean to be torturous. Follow your joy. Trust in it. It will bring you work, but only if you bring it to life.”

It’s all well and good, the second school of thought, but what the hell does it mean in practical terms? Do I simply spend my days cross country skiing, writing my blog entries, taking dance and yoga classes, hiking, traveling, drinking coffee, hanging out with friends and family, reading, jogging and meditating, and expect to find a way to make a living?

Ah ha! In this moment, as I wrote the last sentence, I realize doing all of the above is exactly that—making a living—a life that is vibrant, colorful and joyful. I have the making-a-living part covered. The question is then, how do I earn money while I’m living?

There has got to be a way…somewhere, somehow. Even though I can’t mentally find a solution, my spirit so deeply believes in it to be true. And once again, in this moment, as I write the last sentence, I continue to be reminded of my need to “find” the solution. I’m never going to find it. It will find me. It always has before, so I don’t know why I would think this time it would be any different. I just want it now.

I know my blog entries may seem a bit contradictory and cyclical, where some days I am confident in the unknown and other days I’ve scared out of my mind, trying to build up confidence to be who I yearn to be. In living and writing authentically, I must present my Self as is, on that particular day, in order to accurately document the process of one committed to following their bliss. For some, it may be an overnight decision to change everything in their lives in an instant. For me, this time, I’m choosing to be more patient, mindful and grounded, which is much different than how I’ve followed by bliss before. And honestly, I have more fear (and responsibilities) than I ever had before.

The big difference, this time, is that I’m no longer alone. It’s no longer JUST about me, and that’s OK. When your actions just affect you, that’s one thing, but when your actions immediately affect someone else, that’s another thing. When another human being has joined your ride in life, it’s worth taking the extra time to make sure the lap bar is securely fastened because he’s worth too much to risk lightly. Even though he’s expressed full support in what I choose, I still feel timid, meaning it's not really about him that's holding me back. It's me. But in the end, my misery will eventually become his if I don’t do anything, which is why it is ultimately our duty to follow our bliss regardless of circumstance.