The Sound of Silence

Quote of the day: "Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans." - John Lennon

It’s the start of a new work week. Isn’t it amazing how fast the weekend goes? I always find myself stumbling through Saturday, trying to de-stress from the week. When Sunday arrives, I normally find my rhythm, only for it to then be cut short come Monday a.m. … Oh, the cycle of the Monday-through-Friday work week.

As I approach the week, my plan is to not have a plan. Yes, I need to pay attention to my responsibilities, but I’m bringing myself back to present-moment awareness. I don’t know what’s going to happen for me work wise. I don’t know what I am going to do. I do know that I want things to be different, but that’s all I have right now and I’m sticking with that.

Over the weekend I recognized the amount of mental stress I was putting on myself and I felt so close to collapsing by Friday evening. I just couldn’t keep track of anything anymore. My mind was completely exhausted … from trying to keep my day tasks straight, to completing my evening responsibilities, to trying to figure out what I am going to do with my life, to reading about economy issues, to worrying about the devastation in Haiti … it all just became too much. I was even so distraught that I forgot a friend of mine was coming in town and I was supposed to meet up with her for drinks! (Sorry Al. I really suck sometimes).

I had hit a wall and the wall had hit me back, smack dab in the face. Even my forehead was sore, really. I needed to unplug for moment and that is exactly what I did.

I spent some time alone, sitting in silence, calming my thoughts. It’s amazing how much better I begin to feel when I spend time in silence. This may seem like an odd thing to do, and somewhat indulgent given the pace of most of our lives, but it’s incredibly helpful for me. Throughout the day, our minds become so saturated with the thoughts, wants, needs, worries and fears of others that we often begin to adopt these beliefs as our own without being aware that we’re doing it. Suddenly, our voice isn’t our voice at all. It’s actually someone else’s voice speaking through us.

I used to think it was easy for people to know what they wanted in life and out of life. But I’m realizing more and more that this isn’t as easy as it seems. We may think we know what we want, but do we really, and are we doing it?

I look at the different areas in my life that require a significant portion of my time and energy, and I ask myself, “Who are you doing these things for? Do you want to be doing them? If no, then why are you doing them?”

We often criticize people and call them “selfish” if they are committed to doing things that bring them joy. I’ve never really understood that because how can we be of any good or of service to others if we aren’t well within? Isn’t it precisely because of our selfish time that we are able to give selflessly? Why is being “selfish” a bad thing?

Because I have a history of taking this time to nurture my Self, such as this weekend, it would look like I have the ability to take care of myself. But, the irony is that I can barely take care of myself … in society’s terms. I nearly had a mental collapse just after a work week! And, my house is a disaster. I can barely put my clothes away, let alone wash them.

Now, put me on a trail to hike a mountain in the rain, or on an island where I know nobody and I don’t have any money, or on a Greyhound bus to nowhere, I’ll be fine. I’ll survive. Heck, I’ll even thrive!

But put me in a regular routine with stability, security and normalcy—I’m in trouble. I can barely survive, let alone thrive. I become lost.

So, this week, I’m not worrying about making plans for my life. I’m just going to do what I need to do in the moment and maybe then life will happen for the better.