Filling Up on God

There has been a shift in me since my Friday awakenings. The days have felt very different. I feel very different. I feel at ease.

I guess this is what life feels like when you believe in a God who believes in you and when you believe in the truth that our needs are always met; that we need nothing but our relationship with God; that the relationship IS the answer to all our fears, doubts and concerns.

It’s as if the tightness in my chest has lifted. The fatigue of spirit has drifted away. The timeline I’ve created to make changes in my professional life no longer feels like a ticking bomb. It all feels like an adventure, and is.

I’m more present and am not feeling so tortured by the present because I’ve changed on the inside, which I know is putting into motion changes on the outside. Wait and hope, right? Believing in my needs being met because they always have been, I’ve opened my Self up to multiple possibilities. I’m arranging meetings with people I don’t know, but whose ideas I am passionate about. I’m following up on creative thoughts and feelings. I’m seeing clearly how I am capable of being prosperous while living creatively—that it is no longer something that happens to “other” people. I’m now seeing how it can happen to me. I’m believing in me because I have the support of God.

Here is what has shifted in my mind since I’ve come to believe that God believes in me.

1). I’m no longer alone.
2). There is nothing to fear.
3). I don’t have to figure anything out—just need to act on creative thoughts, urges and desires. After that, wait and hope, then be inspired on what to do next.
4). The possibilities are endless.

It’s hard to explain in words this shift. I’m a bit befuddled as to how I didn’t get this before, but it makes total sense of my recent fear to take risks. When I was younger and had only myself to worry about, the fear didn’t exist. It wasn’t because I believed that God believed in me, it was more about me searching for a God, period. Through the search I came to have an unwavering belief in God, though I have continued to build a relationship based on proving God exists—hence the purpose of this blog. My thought was if I could document the changes that occurred in my life over this next year through a commitment to believing in God, then I would have the ultimate proof of God’s existence. Meaning, that this time, with this proof, well, then, God would feel and be more real than ever.

In just five weeks on this journey, I’ve realized this documentation isn’t to prove God’s existence, but to show the process of having a daily relationship with God and how it changes the course of life—allowing us to become that which we have always dreamed of. For a “real” relationship to exist both parties must give to each other and trust each other. I’ve continuously given time to God through my thoughts, prayers and words, to strengthen my belief. I thought by strengthening my belief I would be able to find God, touch God, feel God, as if God hasn’t always been here, with me.

What I’ve realized is I can continue to strengthen my belief in God all I want, but it will only fill half the void. God’s belief in me, and my knowing of that, is what’s required to fill the other half. Then, the relationship is whole. Then, I am a balanced human and spirit, walking this journey.

Quote of the day: “It always seems impossible until it’s done.” —Nelson Mandela; former President of South Africa