Dream a Little Dream

I can’t help but to comment on this today. I’m a big fan of paying attention to the dreams we have when we sleep. I love dreaming. I love to do it during the day, but I also love to remember what happened during the night. Last night, however, I had terrible dreams. I was suffering.

My husband and I always share our dreams when we first wake up or later in the day whenever they come to us. He’s big into dream interpretation, but his scope is limited and mostly centers on interpretations relating to African culture.

As the morning sun rose to its usual wake-up time, I turned towards my hubby, still with my eyes shut, to tell him that I had terrible dreams about him cheating on me. I actually woke up at one point during the dream state and said out loud, “Jeez, enough already!” because I was so fed up with the despair that I was feeling in the dream.

As only my husband can do, he gave me a big squeeze and a chuckle, and said that he was sorry I suffered so much last night.

We both knew the dream wasn’t really about him cheating or lying or anything like that, but neither he nor I had suggestions as to what it could have been about. So, I turned to my handy online resource for dream interpretation http://www.dreammoods.com/dreamdictionary and have come across a very interesting explanation of “cheating” in a dream. The part that resonates with me is:

To dream that your mate, spouse, or significant other is cheating on you, indicates your fears of being abandoned.

Yes, that totally makes sense. After being able to get in touch with my feelings yesterday when writing my blog, I get why I dreamt that last night. You see, part of the emotional tornado we had gotten caught up in was me feeling like he didn’t “see” me and I felt completely abandoned. That was the feeling that lingered for days. That was the feeling I shed tears over. It was abandonment, deep down inside, so deep that you can’t touch it. It’s endless.

Interesting enough, in my dream I cried and cried over me leaving him because of his cheating. In my dream I felt totally and completely abandoned—hollow to the core. It was incredibly painful.

So, what’s the point of all this interpretation? For me, it’s an opportunity to learn and grow. It has become clearer to me how my own insecurity of my Self has put an enormous amount of pressure on my husband to make up the difference. And, if and when he doesn’t, my emotional Self spirals out of control.

I have always felt secure in his love for me, but I haven’t always felt secure in my love for my Self. Honestly, I’m continuing to know my Self, so I don’t see how I could expect him to “know” me in advance.

To end with words from the poem "Invictus" by William Henley:
I am the master of my fate,
I am the captain of my soul.