X-Ray Vision

Quote of the day: “Sad are only those who understand” - Arab Proverb

The feeling I was stuck in this weekend has subsided a bit. I am slightly removed from the tornado I was spinning in. Do you ever have those days where you are saturated with some feeling in your body? You know, totally absorbed with heaviness?

Writing is usually something I do to help me process...to get in touch with my feelings...to connect. I have been so in the feeling, I haven't been able to process it--meaning, I haven't been able to write. Reflection is key for me, always.

To be able to reflect, to see yourself clearly in front of you, brings present-moment awareness and personal understanding. Time and breathing space always helps.

My reflection is still quite shallow since I am only moments away from the sadness I felt. The surface of the sadness had to do with feeling unseen by a loved one. It’s an awful feeling to have to fight for the person you love to see you, to know you, as you see and know your Self. When this disconnect happened, it felt like the life was sucked out of me.

Today was the first day I’ve exercised in three days. That’s a long time for me. I’m not saying I exert myself with intensity every day, but I usually do some form of movement. The sadness had drained me that much.

I trust in the next few days I am going to have a better understanding of why I was so upset and what I am to learn from it. The only little bit of insight I have today is that I have continued to allow the people who I love in my life influence me with their limitations of life, love, and my Self. I have fallen victim to their energies, fears and expectations on an intensely deep level because the exertion of sadness and rejection I felt when it appeared my loved one didn’t “see” me initiated loud belly cries where my head still hurts today, three days later.

Why is it so important to feel seen by the person you love?

I need to stew on this a bit…more to come.